Funny Golf

3 Golfers to avoid on the first tee


Every golf course has them. Every group fears them. They are the annoying single which show no interest in developing a regular playing group and seemingly take great pleasure in disrupting your round. Now let me preface this, not all singles are annoying or soul destroying and in fact many singles become life long friends through playing with your group occasionally. Take this as a warning sign if a single posses any of the following traits best to steer clear.

Iron Cover Guy

Now before anyone says “iron covers are sensible they protect your precious forged irons and help retain resale value” let me stop you there. Golf clubs are to be treated like new cars, once you’ve backed them off the lot and taken that maiden voyage around your favourite track they have devalued significantly. Now this isn’t something to fear but simply be aware of and recognise as part of the circle of life. Now back to Iron cover guy. He most certainly has clubs which don’t match his ability and seemingly always has an “off day” but takes great pleasure in telling you how he shot “72 around here” as he chops his way around. He will expect you to look for his proV1 as if civilisation itself depends on it. This Guy will be a drag on conversation, look down on on-course drinking and generally zap the fun out of your group. Lucky for you he gives himself away with the lack of exposed irons and is easily spotted.

4/5 – Strong Avoid


All the Gear no Idea Guy

Similar to Iron Cover guy, All the Gear no Idea Guy will have clubs which are far too good for his ability and it will usually be neatly packaged up in an obnoxious Staff Bag. This guy will chew your ear off talking about his spin rates and swing plane until you contemplate savaging him with a 7 iron. Not only will this over the top golf chat become extremely irritating it will inevitably sneak into your mind and put you off your game. This guy will most certainly be arrogant enough to assume he can join your three-ball and therefore won’t even bother to ask. Solution? Call his bluff tell him how great it would be to play with such a good player and that you and your buddies are still chasing that elusive score in the nineties. This will send him spinning and onto the next group leaving you and your boys to enjoy your 18 holes of pleasure.

5/5 – Don’t even make eye contact

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Responsible Guy

Perhaps the most innocent looking of our troubling trio, this guy on the surface seems fine he’s polite, a reasonable golfer and his irons are distinctively bare. Don’t be fooled this guy will make your day out nothing but a guilt trip mixed in with self loathing. You know the household chores your avoiding? He’s playing early so he can go home and do them. That burger and beer you plan on slamming down after the round? He’s having the salad and sparkling water and doesn’t plan on hanging around for more than 20 minutes. Completely unnatural. Golf is a sanctuary for you and your buddies to relax and get away from your daily stresses not a place to be reminded of them, that is why  there is no room for this guy in your four ball. He is stealthy and unfortunately will get past your defences at some stage. Solution? Do not let him get the best of you, you deserve this round of golf and you’ve most certainly deserve those beers.

4/5 – Fool Me once


Know of someone we’ve missed? let us know in the comments who your dreaded single is.


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